Psst!
Got you!
Now look here...
But mum!
Close the window, John
To Sherlock Holmes, she was always "the woman,"
the beautiful Irena Adler of dubious and questionable memory
At the time of our involvement in the Irena Adler case,
Holmes and I had been sharing rooms in Baker Street
for some years
My practice had caused me to be absent in the country
for several days
As usual, after leaving Holmes for any length of time,
I returned filled with apprehension as to his mood
Oh!
Oh, hello, Mrs, Hudson
Dr, Watson, just look at you, half soaked to the skin!
Yes, well, I am not surprised,
I have just spent 20 minutes standing in the pouring rain
waiting for a cab
It won't do that old wound of yours any good
getting so wet, Doctor
I know
I'll just take this coat and your hat
and see that they're properly dried
Mrs, Hudson, I haven't eaten all day
I do hope supper will be up very soon
That's very doubtful
I don't know what's come over Mr, Holmes,
he seems to be all on edge
I'm not to bring up supper until I'm called
Those are his orders
Thank you, Mrs, Hudson
My dear Holmes,
what is it tonight, morphine or cocaine?
Well, I can strongly recommend
a seven percent solution of cocaine
Would you care to try it?
No, indeed!
I speak not only as your friend, but as a medical man
How can you risk such damage to the great powers
with which you have been endowed?!
I cannot tell you
how it clarifies and stimulates the mind
Yes, and destroys it in time!
My mind rebels at stagnation
Give me problems, give me work,
give me the most abstruse cryptogram,
the most intricate analysis, and I'm in my proper atmosphere
Then I can dispense with artificial stimulants
But I abhor the dull routine of existence
I crave mental exultation
That is why I have chosen my own profession,
or rather created it,
for I am the only one in the world
The only unofficial detective
The only unofficial consulting detective
I take no credit in my cases
The work itself,
the pleasure of finding a field for my particular powers
is my highest reward
You can close that drawer
You have made the wrong diagnosis, Doctor!
I have my stimulant here
I hope you enjoyed your week in the country
It was good for the appetite
Incidentally, I do wish you would ring for supper
What is this?
Yes, I must get ready for my visitor
It came by the morning post
Give me your observations
Well, it's undated and without either signature or address
Good, read it aloud
"Dear Mr, Holmes:
There will call upon you tonight at a quarter to eight
a gentleman who"--
good heavens, we've only a few minutes, Holmes
Go on
"A gentleman who desires to consult with you
upon a matter of the very deepest moment
Your recent services to one of the royal houses of Europe
have shown that you are one who may be safely trusted
with matters which are of an importance
which can hardly be exaggerated
This account of you we have from all quarters received,
be in your chamber then"
Good--good heavens, this is a mystery, indeed
What do you imagine it means?
I have no data yet
It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data
Mm
But the note itself,
what do you deduce from it?
It's a man's writing
Good
Presumably well-to-do, it's expensive paper, this
It's peculiarly strong and stiff
Peculiar, that is the very word
It is not English paper at all
Hold it up to the light
Ah, large E, small g, large P, and G
with a small t woven into the texture
And that is?
Maker's monogram
Excellent, Watson!
Come along!
Let us consult our continental gazetteer
Your cigars; you see, I was not unmindful of your return
Oh, Holmes!
Would you care for some whiskey?
Later, perhaps, when we've eaten
The monogram is an abbreviation for Papier Gesellschaft,
which is the German for "paper company"
And the Eg, Eglow, Eglonitz, Egria,
a German-speaking district of Bohemia
noted for its numerous glass factories
and paper mills, there
Bohemia, the kingdom of Bohemia
And the note is written by a German
You see, "this account of you
we have from all quarters received,"
only a German is so uncourteous to his words
So we are to expect a German from Bohemia
Here he is,
drawn by a pair, a nice little brougham
There's money in this case, Watson, if there's nothing else
Holmes, I think your visitor will want me out of the way
Not a bit, Doctor, stay where you are!
I am lost without my Boswell
But he sounded so secretive
I may need your help, and so may he
Now, stay in that armchair, and give me your full attention
Here he comes
I'm sorry, sir,
but you cannot come in here unannounced like this!
Mr, Holmes does not see anybody without appointment!
Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr, Holmes!
There was nothing I could do!
It's perfectly all right, Mrs, Hudson!
If you would kindly leave us
Yes
And close the door
Of course
Thank you
You read my note?
Yes, Pray take a seat!
This is my friend and colleague, Dr, Watson,
who is occasionally good enough to help me in my cases!
How do you do, sir
Who do I have the honor to address?
You may address me as the Count Von Kramm, a Bohemian nobleman
I should much prefer to communicate with you alone
No, it is both, or none
You may say before this gentleman
anything which you may wish to say to me
Very well, I take your word
that he is a man of honor and discretion
But I must begin by binding you both to absolute secrecy
for a period of two years
Indeed?
At the end of that time
the matter will be of no importance
At present it is of such weight
that it may have an influence upon European history
I promise
And I
You will excuse this mask
The august person who employs me
wishes his agent to be unknown to you
In fact, I may confess that the title I have given you
is not exactly my own
I was aware of that
The circumstances are of great delicacy;
every precaution must be taken to prevent an immense scandal
which would seriously compromise
one of the royal houses of Europe
To speak plainly,
the matter concerns the great House of Ormstein,
hereditary kings of Bohemia
I was aware of that, too, your Majesty
You are right...
I am the King
Why should I attempt to conceal it?
Why, indeed?
Your Majesty had not spoken
before I was aware that I was addressing
Wilhelm Gottsreich Sigismond von Ormstein,
Grand Duke of Cassel-Felstein, and hereditary King of Bohemia
And in passing, the finest dualist in Europe
You have killed four opponents
Honorably
Of course
The facts are briefly these:
Ah!
Some 10 years ago, during a lengthy visit to Warsaw,
I made the acquaintance of the well known adventuress,
Irena Adler
The name is no doubt familiar to you
Kindly look her up in my index, will you, Watson
So, I deduce that your Majesty became entangled with this lady,
wrote her some compromising letters,
and is now desirous of getting them back
Precisely so
But how could you know that?
Italian general's staff...
Ah, Adler, Irena, born New Jersey, 1858
Is this the lady?
New Jersey, let me see
Singer, contralto
appeared at La Scala, opera houses Petersburg and Warsaw,
retired from the operatic stage,
now living in London,
makes occasional concert appearances
That is the lady
Was there a secret marriage?
None
No legal papers or certificates?
None
Then I fail to follow your Majesty
If this person should produce your letters
for blackmailing or other purposes,
how is she to prove their authenticity?
There is the writing
Pooh, pooh! Forgery
My private writing paper
Stolen
My own seal
Imitated
My photograph
Bought
We were both in that photograph
Oh, dear, dear, dear
Yes, that is very bad
Your Majesty has certainly committed an indiscretion
She was beautiful, bewitching, clever, daring
I was only Crown Prince then
I was young!
I am but 30 now
Of course, your Majesty
has attempted to recover the photograph?
We have tried and failed
Then your Majesty must pay
It must be bought
She will not sell
Stolen, then
Five attempts have been made
Twice burglars in my pay ransacked her house
Once we diverted her luggage when she traveled
Twice she has been waylaid
There has been no sign of it
You mock?!
It is serious!
Yes
Yes, it is very serious, indeed
Well, what does she propose to do with this photograph
if not to extort money?
To ruin me
How?
I'm about to be married
So I've heard
To the Princess Clotilde Lothman von Saxe-Meningen,
and second daughter to the King of Scandinavia
It is a brilliant match
Precisely
But you will know the strict principles of her family
She's herself the soul of delicacy
A shadow of doubt as to my conduct
would bring the matter to an end
And Irena Adler?
Threatens to send them the photograph
And she will do it
She has a soul of steel
She's more beautiful than any other woman I've known,
more resolute than any man
There are no lengths to which she would not go, none,
to prevent my marriage to another woman!
Your Majesty,
why is this lady so vindictive?
Oh, there was once some talk of marriage
Ha!
She would not see that it was impossible!
You are sure that she has not sent the photograph yet?
I am sure
Why?
It may be on its way at this very moment
Because she has said that she would send it
on the day when the betrothal was publicly proclaimed
That will be next Monday
But I must leave London on Friday
to be home for the ceremony
Ah, then we do have three days
Well, that is very fortunate,
for I do have other matters in hand
Where can I find your Majesty in London?
At the Langham Hotel,
as the Count Von Kramm, remember
Yes, of course
And as to expenditure?
Here are 300 pounds in gold, and 700 in notes
And Miss Irena Adler's address?
Goodnight, your Majesty,
and I trust we shall soon have good news for you
Holmes, we can dine at Romano's,
but we only have three days, till Friday
Oh, it must be settled by Friday
The composer Tchaikovsky
is conducting his own works at the St, James's Hall
No, no, no, no!
It must be settled by Friday
My dear Watson, I'd like to be alone
You are hungry?
Yes
I'm sure Mrs, Hudson will bring you up a sandwich
A sandwich?
We will not discuss this matter until tomorrow afternoon
Goodnight
Better than working, isn't it, mate?
What is?
Looking on
I'll change with you any time, gov
And what position are you?
Eight weeks, a mere first-class groom
Are ya?
Well, you can give me a hand if you like
I see you're all right
Why not?
Give her the price of the booze
I thought it was the booze
Strap the mare, show us what you can do
I spent a couple of hours with the cabbie and his cronies
Miss Irena Adler
has certainly turned all men's heads in those parts
She is the daintiest thing under a bonnet on this planet,
so say the Serpentine-mews fraternity, to a man
She lives quietly,
drives out at five in the evening,
returns at seven sharp for dinner
Seldom goes out at other times, except when she sings
She has only one male visitor, but sees a good deal of him
He never calls less than once a day, and often twice
His name is a Mr, Godfrey Norton, of the Inner Temple
You see the advantages of having a cabman as a confidant
Mr, Godfrey Norton is a lawyer, that is important
Ominous, perhaps
Why his repeated visits?
Is she his client, friend, or mistress?
If he is her lawyer,
he might have the photograph to his strong box
If her lover, he might not even know of it
She had just begun to sing,
she has the voice of an angel, Watson,
when a truly surprising chain of events overtook me,
starting with the arrival
of someone I presumed to be Mr, Godfrey Noble
Wait for me, will you
Fetch your mistress's carriage
Drive like the devil,
Church of St, Monica, Edgeware Road
I must arrive there at least five minutes before 12:00
That gives you 20 minutes Half a guinea if you do it
She is a lovely woman, Watson,
with a face that a man might die for
A face a man might die for--
unusual language for you, Holmes
A metaphor, Watson, nothing else
I was just about to sprint after the landau and perch on the back
when another cab came through the street
He looked twice at such a shabby fare,
but I jumped in before he had time to object,
showed him a handful of sovereigns
and promised him one
if he would get me to the Church of St, Monica within 20 minutes
Now, I don't think
that I have ever been driven faster in a cab
They were there before us
Look, I'm very sorry, Mr, Norton, but l--
For pity sake, it's almost midday
The latest time allowed by law
I would have called in one of those confounded churchmen
but I saw no reason to let them know our business
and I sent them off for a drink
Oh, dear Lord!
Godfrey
You, you, come here, man!
Yes, I mean you!
We've only a few minutes left or it won't be legal!
Come man, come!
Hold this and do as you're told
You'll be paid
Ah, we have our witness
The ceremony may proceed
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God
to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony
which is an honorable estate instituted of God
in the time of man's innocency,
signifying unto us the mystical union
that is betwixt Christ and his church
Irena
I allowed you to persuade me,
now you must allow me to persuade you
I shall see you tomorrow
At the very first moment
I love you
John
Hey, you!
Come here, my man
Come here
Godfrey, let me
Sir, I want to thank you
for being so miraculously present when we needed you
How fortunate that you have remained close by
Well, I'm in no hurry, mum
I hope you will accept this
I don't need no tip, mum
Oh, sir, let us call it a little souvenir
She gave me a sovereign
Here it is
What an extraordinary turn of events!
I shall wear it on my watch chain
in memory of the occasion
And what now?
Well, during the ceremony
I thought my plans had been overthrown
If they had made an immediate departure,
it would have necessitated
the most prompt and energetic measures on my part
But, he went back to the Temple, and she went to her own home,
thus, giving us time to act
How?
Doctor, I shall require all your courage and alertness
I shall be delighted!
You don't mind breaking the law?
Not in the least
Nor running the chance of arrest?
Not in a good cause
Oh, the cause is excellent
Well, then I am your man
Splendid
Now, the-- the question is--
Holmes, you really do look quite remarkable!
You know, the question is where to find the photograph
I mean, the house has twice been burgled
She was too clever for them
She is a remarkable woman
Well, they must have searched very thoroughly
They did not know how to look!
And how will you look?
I shall not look
What then?
I will allow her to show me
But she'll refused
She will not be able to
Ah, we draw near the scene of action
We had better walk from here
You know your instructions
When you raise your hand, I act
And we meet at the rendezvous in 10 minutes
Here she comes
Oh, no, you don't
I was here first
I opened the door, lady
He never, no, it was me!
Clear off, you two!
Let-me-go!
Opening carriage doors
is a legitimate means of livelihood, Mr, [inaudible]
You ain't gonna stop a man earning a copper, see
Let me pass
You there, let go of my coachman!
Take the bread from me mouth, would 'ya?
I'll fill your mouth, chum
Oh!
Oh, no, no, please, please don't, men,
please, I beg you, please I beg of you!
Madam, I must protect you!
Now stop that, you and you, stop that
Oh!
Stand back!
You see what you've done!
He's dead!
Scamper, mate, before the coppers come!
He's still breathing, but he's taken a bad knock
I am sorry, ma'am
You did your best, John
Is he badly hurt?
It is only superficial, but he needs attention, quickly
But he can't lie on the street
Bring him into the house
All right, sir
Oh, you're conscious
Thank goodness, you are a brave man
Over here, Willot
No, no, stand back,
I shall look after my friend in need
Sir, will you look toward me
Oh, it is no sight for a lady
I have strong nerves, dear friend
No, no, I cannot permit
Thank you
A bandage
As you wish
I'm so relieved that your wound isn't serious
Well, it is but shallow, and the concussion wears off
How extraordinary
Madam?
That so many people
should gather in such a quiet little turning
Well, it's the gang, madam,
it was all pre-arranged to rob you
All those men to snatch one little purse
Oh, no, dear friend, it wouldn't have paid them
My vocation takes me much amongst the poor
and even the criminal classes, madam
Look at those people staring,
curiosity is so unseemly, but I fear universal
Oh, I am so sorry, I think I'm going to faint
Oh, air, I need some air!
Willot, the window1
Oh!
Some drinking water
Are there any smelling salts?
Madam, madam, I think I can smell fire
What?
Fire, fire!
Fire, fire, fire!
There's a fire, is there?
Madam, come out of here quickly!
I'll take care of the old gentleman!
I can't breathe
It's a false alarm!
It's a false alarm, look!
It's a trick, it's a-- tell them--tell them!
There's a fire!
It's a false alarm, do you hear?
We do not need the fire engine!
What is it?
It is a plumber's rocket, madam,
one of my flock is a plumber
It is ignited by a cap,
and sends smoke into pipes to betray cracks and holes
No, no, no, no, no, it's all right
It will disperse
You said it was a trick
Who would play such a trick on me?
One of the gang, madam
But to what purpose? I've escaped them
Revenge
Revenge?
Are there such wicked people?
There are people in this world, madam,
to whom revenge is in itself a reward
I cannot imagine such feelings
I'm sure you cannot, madam
Well, I am feeling more myself
I must be on my way
Oh, please stay, some refreshment
Well, one of my flock expects me
Won't you let my carriage take you?
Oh, no, no, no, the air will aid my recovery
At least your name, your address,
that I may thank you adequately
Well, I am just a humble servant, madam,
of the all seeing providence
Goodnight
You did it very nicely, Doctor
You have the photograph?
No, but I know where it is
How did you find out?
She showed me, as I told you she would
The trouble is, it still remains in her possession
You may have lost your one chance, Holmes
No
I shall call early tomorrow morning
You'll call there?
And as my own self, and with the King
The King?!
And with you, Watson!
You must be a witness at the end of our quest
I trust you will sleep well tonight for a change, Holmes
Well, there's nothing like success for curing insomnia
Goodnight, Mr, Sherlock Holmes,
and Watson
Holmes?
But she could not love him
I am in hopes that she does
Why?
Because it would spare your Majesty
all fear of future annoyance
If she loves her husband, then she does not love your Majesty
And if she does not love your Majesty,
why should she interfere with your Majesty's marriage
Mr, Sherlock Holmes, I believe
I am Mr, Holmes
My mistress told me you were likely to call
She left this morning with her husband by the 5:15 train
from Charing Cross for the Continent
She has left England?
Never to return, sir
All is lost
Well then, get at it
This is not it!
Holmes, this is a different photograph!
Do you hear me, man?!
The letter
It is addressed to me
"My Dear Mr, Sherlock Holmes: You did it very well
You took me in completely
Until after the alarm of fire, I had not a suspicion
But then, when I found that I had betrayed myself,
it flashed into my mind
that I had been warned against you months ago
I had been told that if the King employed an agent
it would certainly be you
Yet, with all this,
you made me reveal what you wanted to know
Even before when the presence of so many people in the street
had sounded an alarm in my instinct,
I could not think evil of such a dear, kind old clergyman
But, you know,
I have been trained as an actress myself,
and male costume is nothing new to me
Yes, it was I who followed you to your door,
just to make sure
that you really were the celebrated Mr, Sherlock Holmes
It was I who rather imprudently, wished you goodnight
Then I started for the Temple to see my new husband
We had married in secret
in case we needed to leave the country to elude the King
Your appearance on the scene was the signal for flight
You are too formidable an antagonist
You will find the nest empty when you call tomorrow
As to the photograph, your client may rest in peace
I love and am loved by a better man than he"
"The King may"--
"The King may do what he will
without hindrance from one whom he has cruelly wronged
I kept it only to safeguard myself,
and to preserve a weapon which will always secure me
from any steps he may take"
There is more
"I leave another photograph which he might care to possess;
and I remain, dear Mr, Sherlock Holmes,
very truly yours, Irena Norton, nee Adler"
What a woman!
What a queen she would have made!
Is it not a pity she was not on my level
From what I have seen of the lady,
yes, indeed, she is on a very different level to your Majesty
I am only so sorry that I have failed in my commission
On the contrary, my dear sir,
nothing could be more successful
I know that her word is inviolate
The photograph is now as safe as if it were in the fire
I am glad that your Majesty thinks so
I am immensely indebted to you
Pray, tell me in what way I can reward you
This ring?
Your Majesty has something
which I should value even more highly
You have but to name it
This
Irena's photograph?
Certainly, if you wish it
Then I have the honor
to wish your Majesty a very good morning
And that was how a great scandal
threatened the Kingdom of Bohemia,
and how the best plans of Mr, Sherlock Holmes
were beaten by a woman's wit
He used to sneer much at the cleverness of women,
but I have not heard him do it of late
And when he speaks of Irena Adler,
or when he refers to that woman,
it is always under the honorable title of "the woman"
In his eyes, she eclipses the whole of her sex
It was not that he ever betrayed any sign of love
for Irena Adler,
all emotions such as that one
are abhorrent to his cold, precise mind
He only looks on women pathologically,
as the source of motives, clues
And yet, he keeps her photograph apart, locked up
There is but one woman to him,
the beautiful Irena Adler, of dubious and questionable memory